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This section is open to anyone who has questions or wants information on adoption. The only thing we require is that all questions and comments be respectful of parents who've adopted.

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Unread postPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 1:26 am 
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Site Admin
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Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2008 5:31 pm
Posts: 2915
Location: Florida by way of Brooklyn.
Your Adoption Connection: Adopted three siblings in 2003.
Quote:
For those of you who have adopted through foster care, when did your kids finally feel like they belonged to you? Was it before finalization? Did it take years? I realize the poor kids are also in that situation. I wonder how long before they feel like we're finally theirs?


My kids felt like mine at the beginning. I just knew.....
We met them in Feb, we started placement in June and we finalized in Oct. I know before placement that we wanted to be their parents. Sadly, my oldest was just to damaged to allow his heart to open us, but my other two have fully bonded with us. :purple

_________________
Mom To Three
~ Cimion
~ Shawna
~ Jacqueline
Siblings Adopted in 2003


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Unread postPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2012 5:25 pm 
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I'm New!

Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 4:50 pm
Posts: 6
Your Adoption Connection: Training complete, homestudy in progress.
Hi Holly,

Would you mind telling me a bit about how your kids settled in given that they were older when you became a family? Our upper age range is 12 and I was just wondering about any "real life" experiences with older kids during transition and early placement. Do you think the fact that they were old enough to understand and to ask questions for clarification on anything that didn't make sense made it a little easier? How did they cope (if necessary in your situation) with leaving friends and school etc. (since friends are a huge part of a pre-teens life and identity)?

Thank you for any insight you can give me, and I understand if you can't talk about it in a public forum.

~ Michelle

_________________
Michelle (36), DH Jason (37)
No kids so far. Hoping to adopt either one child or a sibling group of two from foster care (ages 1-12).
We're Canadian!


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Unread postPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 2:12 pm 
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Homeschooling Mama
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Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 3:21 pm
Posts: 987
Location: Hagerstown, Maryland
Your Adoption Connection: I have 3 children, all adopted as older kids.
No problem! Honestly, the Pre-placement visits helped a lot to dispel our nervousness, and the kiddos' nervousness too. We made sure they had plenty of closure visits, and all of the adults in their lives at the time were supportive. The fact that they were older made it easier, for sure. We took them on a tour of their schools, so they could meet the teachers ahead of time, and the fact that the routine of going to school is similar no matter where you live made the transition home very drama free. In fact, with my older two, I canceled my maternity leave and went back to work 2 days after placement, because the kids settled into their routine so easily.

Though leaving their friends behind was a fear that all of the kids expressed in the beginning, after a few months, they were no longer contacting them in any way - kids move on. I think with Carolina though, Facebook has helped her stayed connected more so than she would have. When my older two came home, it wasn't a thing yet. Lol

One of the reasons I have stuck with the 10 and up range for adopting is because I've felt the transitions are easier. All of my children have been great about asking me directly about their birth family histories and questions they've had about their placements. I hesitate to go younger!

_________________
Holly (35)
Waiting to adopt #4 (& maybe #5!)

Proud mom to:
Brandon (24), adopted at age 12
Jessica (23), adopted at age 10
Carolina (16), adopted at age 11


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