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 Post subject: Waiting...
Unread postPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 2:51 pm 
I'm New!

Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 3:51 pm
Posts: 14
Your Adoption Connection: In an at-risk placement with the sweetest baby boy
I've been lurking here for quite a while and have recently been able to join the board. I wanted to give a little background on my DW and I, and ask for some advice.

DW and I have been trying to have a child for 10 years and had tried all of the fun stuff with the doctors. Last year we began moving forward with our adoption plans and became approved. We found a potential placement through a friend and turned things over to our agency and attorney. Everything seemed to go well until after she was born and the mother changed her mind at the last minute. We were both devastated and have tried really hard to move on, but it is still difficult at times. We are back in the waiting/searching game again and have been very proactive in our search. We have a facebook page and a web page out there, we are signed up with 2 agencies and are always looking for other opportunities. I guess my question is, for my own sanity, how did everyone deal with the waiting? I have always been one of those people who has to be doing something or I feel we are losing ground. The waiting and wondering is excruciating for me. I have been working on proposed adoption law changes at the state level and have been making headway, but I just seem to lose my faith at times that a child is out there somewhere for us. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks, Matt

 Post subject: Re: Waiting...
Unread postPosted: Sun Dec 16, 2012 10:10 pm 
Site Admin
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Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:23 am
Posts: 5347
Location: Farm fields of Illinois
Your Adoption Connection: International, foster and private adoption.
I am probably one of the most impatient people on the planet. We have adopted a lot of times and adopted our last a few years ago. Still, even after knowing how the waiting goes/process goes....it seldom was any less tough to wait than it was for the first baby.

I applaud you for signing up with 2 agencies/having a Facebook page, etc. A lot of hopeful adoptive people sign up with one place and do nothing further to help find their baby. It does take a lot of proactive stuff; and, as someone else once said to me, it can almost become a part-time job in the search and education about how adoption goes.

My advice to you would be to keep keen records of all the places you speak with about possible babies/agencies/attorneys. List their emails/phone numbers/addresses. Write comments on each card/paper about their fees, requirements, etc.
I did this very thing and shared it as much as possible because I felt if *I* could share that info to help someone adopt, just maybe I'd learn something else in the process too.
And I did. I learned a lot.
And, I continue to help others adopt too.

By doing this, not only can you learn a lot more about the process; you just might find your *own* baby this way.

Good luck and keep us updated!



There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own. ~Robert Brault

Adoption Specialist for
Adopt America Network

 Post subject: Re: Waiting...
Unread postPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 6:26 pm 
Honorary Member

Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2011 7:47 pm
Posts: 290
Location: Wisconsin
Your Adoption Connection: DS adopted in 2007, hoping to adopt again!
Waiting is hard no matter when it happens and is even harder (in my opinion) when you are waiting in pain. The loss of a child you had commited your heart to is devastating. I have been there, done that- twice.

It sounds like you keep busy to feel like you are moving forward. Good for you! With our first I was not one to have the nursery all ready "just in case," etc. I couldn't take that emotionally- walking past, seeing it waiting, empty. We had the room painted yellow and just used it as a spare room. When DS came (unexpected hospital baby) the whole family pitched in and built the crib, hung the pictures, etc. It was fine. Exciting and thrilling and a wonderful memory. Anyhow, my point is to only do what you think you can handle. Be kind to yourself. Spend time together as a couple and be there, living life, together. Someone may find excitement in washing baby clothes and being hopeful that way, another may like to work through their state legislature, another seaches online, etc. You know you the best- be good to you!

June 2006- Started adoption process
April 2007- DS was born- Never knew so much love!
December 2007- DS adoption finalized

Two failed placements and a lot of ups and downs in our second adoption journey.
January 2012- DS was born- A completely wonderful surprise!
July- DS adoption finalized

Always remember there is nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name...

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