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 Post subject: Can this really happen
Unread postPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 1:32 pm 
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Location: Michigan
I have a friend, Mary, who has adopted domestically twice. Her sister-in-law (husband's sister) just had a baby a few months ago while in jail. The baby is in foster care right now & the grandparents to the baby (the parents to Mary's husband & mother of the baby) have been going through the process to get foster approved so they can take the baby. The bio mom had shown up drunk to visitations so they are moving forward with terminating her rights.

I was told by Mary last night that the plan is for the grandparents to get the baby via foster care & once tpr is done & they are legally the parents they will adopt the baby out to Mary & her husband. The grandparents live in the same state as the baby and Mary does not. They are not informing anyone that this is the ultimate plan. She's obviously gone through the adoption process twice before, both times adopted while living in a different state than where the baby was born, but I just cannot believe that this is a possibility.

What are your thoughts? Can such a thing really happen? I'm worried she's getting her hopes up for this baby that may never really become hers.

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"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - Joseph Campbell


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Unread postPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 2:11 pm 
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Location: Connecticut
Your Adoption Connection: Director, Forever Families Weekend
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in theory it can happen but why doesn't mary just adopt the baby directly? she's family, so she is just as able to get herself approved for kinship foster/adopt as the grandparents (and more so, since she's already an adoptive parent, etc.)

but yes this is possible (just seems like an unnecessary unwieldy process)

the other option would be for the grandparents to get approved as foster parents and then, once tpr has taken place, mary could get her homestudy done and become the adoptive parents without the interim step of having the grandparents adopt first


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Unread postPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 10:12 am 
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Thanks, Debbie.

Mary lives in a different state than the grandparents & baby...(baby/grandparents are in CA, Mary in MI).

Before the baby was born, Mary inquired to the caseworker (bio mom has another kid that was taken away) about wanting to adopt the baby, expressing her interest & explaining she's already an adoptive parent. She was told that the chances of her getting the baby were so slim because of the length of time it would take to get her foster approved in MI & then get CA to approve/recognize it. During such time the baby would be 'adoptable' in CA and would likely be adopted by someone else.

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"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - Joseph Campbell


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Unread postPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 12:37 pm 
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Location: Connecticut
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Sara,

That doesn't quite make sense to me....if there is a willing and capable relative available to foster/adopt (even in a different state) then it's almost unheard of for a non-relative to be allowed to adopt... Sounds to me like that caseworker in California didn't know her a** from her elbow!

But if the biomom knew that the state was going to step in and terminate her parental rights due to past history (or current inability to turn her life around), why didn't she just arrange to have Mary adopt the baby? She had every right to make an adoption plan for this child by herself, without the state stepping in...

Unless she doesn't want Mary and her husband to parent...in which case going through the grandparents would be the only way (and would be kind of unethical, frankly, because then the grandparents' adoption would be fraudulent, which it sort of is anyway, but that's beside the point).

Interesting...

Keep us posted. I'll be curious to see how it all pans out.

-Debbie


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Unread postPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 8:14 pm 
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Bio mom is a nutcase- she was very much in denial about the eventual adoption/foster care situation. She was pregnant & pulled over with other children in the car (hers & others) while driving drunk. She really thought she was either going to 1) get the baby back after she got out of jail or 2) get out of jail before she had the baby. She didn't want ANYONE to have the baby because she was convinced she would have her.

I obviously am hearing this second hand & haven't spoken to the caseworker myself...but Mary is pretty experienced with this route since she was foster-licensed (formerly) in our state & has 2 adoptions under her belt.

The fraud part is exactly why I asked this question. I would have thought that written into the mountains of paperwork that we sign when we adopt a child there is something about our 'intent' to keep the child or something along those lines. I'm just shocked that this could occur legally. It would obviously take a lot of conspiring but in the world we live in today, a 'loophole' like this seems to open the door to potentially scary situations.

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Sara

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - Joseph Campbell


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Unread postPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 11:19 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:23 am
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Location: Farm fields of Illinois
Your Adoption Connection: International, foster and private adoption.
I've heard of this type of thing happening....in fact, it was a suspicion from the dept that this type of thing was going to happen in a case of foster children whom my neighbor has now. The foster mom had the children as foster children, but her daughter really wanted only one of the kids ( and I think was also licensed as a foster parent?). The children were more often than not-split up from each other------the one boy stayed with the fm, the other two were often staying with the daughter (the other two were very young ones).

One of the reasons it was easier for my neighbor to get them was because the dept in that state had suspected the fm was doing this with her daughter. :irked

I could easily understand that CA wouldn't wait for the homestudy to be finished in MI and this might be the reason this would be taking place. Even though there are relatives involved, that doesn't mean the state would wait. And, if Mary's state only allows X amount of children (especially if any of them are special needs?)......the state could overlook her as a potential adoptive parent.
(None of this is unheard of in IL.....but that shouldn't surprise anyone.... :roll: )

Sincerely,

Linny

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