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This section is open to anyone who has questions or wants information on adoption. The only thing we require is that all questions and comments be respectful of parents who've adopted.

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 Post subject: Is this even possible
Unread postPosted: Sat Mar 23, 2013 11:49 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2013 1:04 am
Posts: 5
Your Adoption Connection: Starting the process of independent adoption.
Hi everyone. :smile You guys and girls seem like a really warm and welcoming forum. I'm really glad I found this group since I was hesitant to post this elsewhere.

We are hoping to start classes soon and get on with the home study process. We are specifically hoping to adopt a baby under 3 months, Caucasian and healthy. We thought about special needs, but it's just not right for us. I'm ok with the e-mother having had a few drinks or cigarettes before she learned she was pregnant, but that's it.

I understand that the fees are higher but is adopting such a child domestically even possible? Is there a lot of competition for each baby like this?

(We are considering international adoption are wary of FAS issues with Russian kids. China is still an option, but most agencies have closed their NSN programs.)


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Unread postPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 1:01 am 
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Site Admin
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Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:23 am
Posts: 5347
Location: Farm fields of Illinois
Your Adoption Connection: International, foster and private adoption.
Hello, and welcome! :welcometofp

Congrats on starting the process and the first steps of the journey!!! You ask if 'this type of baby' is in high demand? Yes. Very much so. Will you wait a long time for such a baby?
Not necessarily. Generally, bios choose the families they want to adopt their babies. Your particular family may be exactly what some birthmom is wanting and it wouldn't matter if there were 50 other families in the same pool if yours is the one she's been looking for, KWIM?

I would highly discourage you from adopting from ANY Eastern Block Country (or at least that's what they used to call any country from Eastern Europe). To me---the risks are far too great for a child with FAS (as you've mentioned) as well as reactive attachment disorder (RAD). RAD, IMO, is one of the very worst disorders of all; extremely hard to parent and more often than not, NOT correctable.

Have you chosen an agency or attorney yet?

Please feel free to ask any questions here. We're a supportive group! :)

Sincerely,

Linny

_________________
There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own. ~Robert Brault

Adoption Specialist for
Adopt America Network


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Unread postPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 10:37 am 
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Member

Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2011 8:14 pm
Posts: 48
Location: Forest City, NC
Your Adoption Connection: Pursuing adoption from NC foster care
FWIW, I've known a fair number of folks who adopted healthy Caucasian infants through independent adoption (both IRL and online friends). In fact, independent adoption is your best bet, generally, because Caucasian girls experiencing unplanned pregnancy are more likely to prefer independent adoption over using a local adoption agency.

The fact that you are open to already-born babies who are a couple months old will probably be a plus -- there aren't many such babies available, but there also aren't many families open to them. Have you considered also being open to twins?

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Heather


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Unread postPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 4:27 pm 
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I'm New!

Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2013 1:04 am
Posts: 5
Your Adoption Connection: Starting the process of independent adoption.
Thanks a bunch Linny and Holly! :thankyou When you say independent adoption, do you mean through a facilitator or lawyer? I've heard mixed things about facilitators. How can you tell who's good?

As for age, I'd love to have a newborn but any baby up to 3 months would be ok with us. But as you said, it seems like there are few waiting child situations like the one I described.


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Unread postPosted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 4:35 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:23 am
Posts: 5347
Location: Farm fields of Illinois
Your Adoption Connection: International, foster and private adoption.
I would HIGHLY DISCOURAGE YOU in dealing with a facilitator. Please don't go down that road; and while I know a VERY few people (online) who've had good success with them, overall, they are to be watched with caution and hold a lot of risk by taking a lot of $$$$ without the responsibility of trying to find a situation for you. Make sure your home state will even allow them; as many states will not allow them instate, or, for you to work with them FROM your state.

You're paying for them to have network connections and take a large sum of $$$$$ up front, hopefully to find a situation for you---and then-that's it. They are NOT licensed; they are NOT legal in MANY states---and for good reason.

Consider doing this: Once you have your homestudy (either through an agency or, if you're in a state that allows this, an independent person who's licened to conduct a homestudy)......decide whether you can (or want) to go outside of your state to adopt. (Some states like IL require you must have a foster care license to cross state lines to adopt...even though you're looking for a domestic baby situation to adopt---not foster.)

Some states don't require this and with a homestudy, you can go to other states to find a baby. Once you've determined this, sit down and literally Google, "Independent domestic adoption agencies in X state". Several lists will come up. Copy them off. Sit down with a tablet of paper, a pen and phone. Call any of these agencies/attorneys you want and KEEP DETAILED NOTES of each one. Don't be afraid to ask a TON of questions----you won't have been the first. Ask them if they have already born situations and tell them what you're looking for--specifically---especially that you're open to SOME alcohol/drug exposure/what your adoption budget is. If they put you off and say they never have already born babies......don't believe them and tell them this: "Well.....IF you ever do, would you consider taking our profile and keeping it in your file to consider for such a placement?"

Some will do this for free; some will do this for a nominal fee. You can decide what you want to do from that point.

Don't be discouraged if they put you off; tell you you need to do adoption thus and such a way. There are TONS of agencies/attorneys and keep in mind too many of them are out there to make money and that's their goal, period.
Others will be vague and try to talk you into dealing with adoption THEIR way and as if there's no other way to do it.
Don't believe them.

Just keep phoning, asking questions and searching for the right agency/attorney that's right for you. While independent adoptions can work well; they can also be full of risk for scamming people. I would make sure I spoke to someone WELL who's BTDT before advertising and trying to find a bm through any service online or otherwise.

I agree there are situations out there. We've been offered a situation or two like this; but, we were also wanting only non-white infants AND, drug/alcohol use was fine with us.

Please feel free to keep asking questions here. There are others who may have been through the independent journey (I'm thinking of one member specifically) who can help you better than I if this is the route you want to go.


Sincerely,

Linny

_________________
There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own. ~Robert Brault

Adoption Specialist for
Adopt America Network


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Unread postPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 12:52 pm 
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Super Member

Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 6:22 pm
Posts: 54
We did a domestic infant adoption. We went through a full service agency. We were at the hospital when our son was born and took him home from the hospital. He is Caucasian and healthy. We were a waiting family for nine months when he was born. The whole, process from orientation with our agency to taking him home was a year. I think it he timing really just depends since the birth moms look at profiles and select families. You can find average times online but that won't necessarily be your experience.


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Unread postPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 12:26 am 
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I'm New!

Joined: Thu Jan 05, 2012 10:25 pm
Posts: 23
Your Adoption Connection: Adoptive parents.
We're doing a domestic infant adoption for a newborn Caucasian girl. I live in Colorado which is an agency state. We went through an agency and we've been on the list for 20 months. When we went through our childcare classes a doctor came in and talked to us about all the medical risks, which was very helpful. Our caseworker always said to only accept what you're able to take on. Good luck!


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Unread postPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 10:46 pm 
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Honorary Member

Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2011 7:47 pm
Posts: 290
Location: Wisconsin
Your Adoption Connection: DS adopted in 2007, hoping to adopt again!
As with everything in adoption...there is no similar path and no guarantee on any plans you make. That's the the double edged sword of it all- one one hand it can be very frustrating and even painful, and on the other you are in awe of the miraculous nature of everything coming together as your family is formed.

When we decided on adoption we had to wait for a "spot" to open for us. We interviewed with LSS but felt like we were one of hundreds. We considered international with them as well, but needed to save up more money. A few months later we got the call from Catholic Charities to go to an information session. Afterward we both felt it was right for us (program education, SW friendliness, policies, fees, etc.) Via lottery we had a spot in the training class starting the following month. From that time to our son it was 9 months. Healthy, caucasian baby boy. (Later on we discovered he had congenital glaucoma, but that is like winning the lottery of unusual childhood illnesses- and he has done great thanks to our steadfastness and his wonderful doctors!) Anyhow, my memory lane is making this longer than intended! :wink

Fastword to #2. Same agency, #1 had to be one year before applying, then we had to wait for a spot again. That happened when he was 22 months. Three months later we were selected, 7 weeks later baby girl born. Those 7 weeks had so much drama I could not even start to decribe. "Our little girl" was "home" a week when birthmom changed her mind. It was devastating. After a couple months we jumped on the saddle again. Over the next 2 years we met with many birthparents, were selected for a few and they all decided to parent before baby born. We learned how naive we were with #1...it all just was right from the start and so easy. The heartbreak of those years gives your marriage a test...lean on each other or let it grow between you. We decided to look into toddlers, even started transitioning a little girl to our home when that adoption plan fell apart due to an aunt and uncle causing a lot of drama. Two months after that heartbreak, DS #2 was born. Again, beautiful, healthy caucasian baby boy. Again, it all fell into place and it was easy and drama free.

I remember how hard those years of disappointment and longing were, but it doesn't hurt like it used to. Time heals all wounds, I suppose. Domestic adoption is not for the faint of heart. It is a wonderful, beautiful thing when it all works out. But the journey can be a rocky one. I am the sort of person that would rather know what to expect than be blindsided. I have two beautiful, amazing sons that would not trade for biology any day. Good luck to you on your journey...may it have more ups than downs, but in those downs may you always have someone to lean on (like the wonderful people on this site who lifted me up more than once). :green

_________________
June 2006- Started adoption process
April 2007- DS was born- Never knew so much love!
December 2007- DS adoption finalized

Two failed placements and a lot of ups and downs in our second adoption journey.
January 2012- DS was born- A completely wonderful surprise!
July- DS adoption finalized


Always remember there is nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name...


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