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This section is open to anyone who has questions or wants information on adoption. The only thing we require is that all questions and comments be respectful of parents who've adopted.

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Unread postPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 11:06 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 3:38 pm
Posts: 13
Location: Stamford, CT
Your Adoption Connection: Getting ready to start domestic adoption
Hi!!

We are preparing ourselves for domestic adoption.

Tobacco, alcohol, drugs during pregnancy + birth parents health issues (mental, genetics) - this is my topic for research for next few weeks.
Maybe somebody knows a good resource to read about this? I'm trying to get as much info as possible to understand with what we can work and with what not.

If you have any advice on the topic OR suggestions on info resources please share.

Thank you and good day to everyone!!!!!
:sunflower


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Unread postPosted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 12:44 am 
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Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:23 am
Posts: 5347
Location: Farm fields of Illinois
Your Adoption Connection: International, foster and private adoption.
Absolutely! Good that you're researching this now and trying to figure out what you will and will not accept. But after dh and I adopted 6 infants, this is what I've also discovered:

Regardless of what you feel you can/can't accept, some bm's will lie about what they've ingested during the pregnancy, period. There is also the fact that adoption is a gamble. Even what seem to be practically healthy babies, doesn't always turn out to be the case.

I know someone who adopted a baby (relatively newborn) because the original hopeful adoptive mom (single woman) was matched, in the delivery room, took the baby home from the hospital-yet brought the baby BACK to the agency because, she said, she couldn't handle the possible special needs the baby had. (And the baby appeared to have some special needs, and did.)

While the pregnancy went well; the baby seemed fine in utero, when the baby was born, their were facial features leading to suspicion the baby wasn't 'normal'. The baby had unforeseen genetic issues.

And, here's something else to consider:

One bm can take two drinks of alcohol during the first trimester and have a seemingly normal baby. Another bm might do the same and the baby will obviously show the effects of fetal alcohol. It's a toss-up. The same goes for some drugs---sometimes the baby is greatly affected, sometimes, the baby isn't ---and to what extent is anyone's guess until the baby is born, KWIM?


Sooooooo, here comes my REAL advice: Submit for 'already born babies'. When the baby is already born, you lessen the chances a bm will change her mind. You'll also be more aware of any potential or obvious problems a baby may have. True, some of these issue won't be guaranteed regardless of what you do because some thing won't show up until later down the road; but adopting already born babies is 'safer' on so many levels.

We submitted for already born babies, but not so much of the worry of a special needs baby (which we ended up having anyway). More because we knew we couldn't afford to lose any money if a bm changed her mind---and I personally prefer adoption this way feeling the bm has had plenty of time to consider any/all other options. But that's just me.

I recently purchased a new computer and haven't taken my favorites off from the old computer. A member here once posted a great resource on the effects of drug/alcohol use---very detailed and helpful.

As for mental issues, know that schizophrenia can have a higher incidence of inheritance and a tough disease to treat should it come about. I personally think bi-polar can be difficult to treat too; having taught school to children who experience such issues.

Rory, have you already chosen an agency or did you already post that on Forever Parents? If so, be cautious not to choose one that wants a ton of $$$$ up front. Fees of situations and agencies/attorneys can vary greatly. It pays to do your research.

I hope others will post suggestions too. Many of us have BTDT a lot. :)

Keep us posted!

Sincerely,

Linny

_________________
There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own. ~Robert Brault

Adoption Specialist for
Adopt America Network


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Unread postPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2013 11:10 am 
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I'm New!

Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 3:38 pm
Posts: 13
Location: Stamford, CT
Your Adoption Connection: Getting ready to start domestic adoption
Thank you, Linny!
I agree with you on many things!!

We haven't chosen an agency yet. We won't start until the end of summer anyway, so we have enough time to do all possible research. We have already been to 1 agency's info seminar and have 4 coming in May.
Thank you for your advice.


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Unread postPosted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 8:55 am 
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Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 3:51 pm
Posts: 14
Your Adoption Connection: In an at-risk placement with the sweetest baby boy
Other than the advice of our agency and other families, the best resource we found was a website called www.adoptmed.org. They always seemed to have the best overall information on anything we were considering. Some of the info is hard to find on the site, but just dig around and let me know if you have any questions.


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Unread postPosted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 12:17 pm 
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I'm New!

Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 3:38 pm
Posts: 13
Location: Stamford, CT
Your Adoption Connection: Getting ready to start domestic adoption
Thanks!!!! Very useful website!


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Unread postPosted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 4:39 pm 
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Honorary Member

Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2009 3:23 pm
Posts: 1437
Location: Connecticut
Your Adoption Connection: Director, Forever Families Weekend
Adoptive parent
As an FYI, our next meeting of APC in Connecticut (Tuesday, May 7th) will have Dr. Carol Weizman, a developmental pediatrician from the Yale Adoption Clinic, as a speaker. She'll be able to answer tons of questions on this topic! Good timing.


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Unread postPosted: Wed Apr 24, 2013 5:08 pm 
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I'm New!

Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 3:38 pm
Posts: 13
Location: Stamford, CT
Your Adoption Connection: Getting ready to start domestic adoption
OMG what a coincidence!!!! I came across her name today, googled her two hours ago and even checked if she is in my insurance!!!!
I was looking for pediatricians in our area who specialize on adopted children.
Can you believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow, I love such coincidences!!
We will definitely be there!
See you May 7.

:love :love :love


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