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This section is open to anyone who has questions or wants information on adoption. The only thing we require is that all questions and comments be respectful of parents who've adopted.

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Unread postPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 12:43 pm 
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I'm New!

Joined: Thu Jan 05, 2012 10:25 pm
Posts: 23
Your Adoption Connection: Adoptive parents.
So I'd seen the "Adoption is the new Pregnant" shirts and thought they were kinda cool and I was considering buying one and wearing it for my baby shower. I Googled it to see where I could buy one, and holy cow! I did not realize there were people that thought they were offensive! I guess it comes down to the birth parent's experience in the adoption, but what do you all think? Check out this blog for some interesting insight...

http://aislin13.wordpress.com/2008/04/0 ... -pregnant/

I'm interested to hear everyone's opinion. I probably won't buy this shirt, because the last thing I want to do is offend any birth parent, even if that was NOT my intention.

Also to clarify, I never considered myself "paper pregnant;" I'd never even heard this term until I saw these blogs. My caseworker gave me a poem titled "pregnant with time."

Melissa

*Trying to wait patiently*


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Unread postPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 10:26 pm 
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Honorary Member

Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2011 7:47 pm
Posts: 290
Location: Wisconsin
Your Adoption Connection: DS adopted in 2007, hoping to adopt again!
Hmm. I think they are quite angry in tone.

While I do not think the sentiment something I would wear, I also have a more jaded view as both of our matches before birth were placements that then were disrupted. Our two boys are both baby-born situations.

My baby shower was after TPR and baby was home. My sister made my shower invitations and my mom put the same phrase on the cake. It said:

He was born in her heart,
not from her tummy
Let's all celebrate,
Laura's a Mommy.
:pink

_________________
June 2006- Started adoption process
April 2007- DS was born- Never knew so much love!
December 2007- DS adoption finalized

Two failed placements and a lot of ups and downs in our second adoption journey.
January 2012- DS was born- A completely wonderful surprise!
July- DS adoption finalized


Always remember there is nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name...


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Unread postPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 10:55 pm 
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Member

Joined: Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:27 pm
Posts: 28
Your Adoption Connection: I'm currently going through my home study.
Wow, what a bunch of haters! I agree that adoption is not a pregnancy but if someone wants to wear that shirt, I have no objection. It truly sounds like someone had or knows someone who had a bad adoption situation. People should take it for what it was meant for...light fun. Its actually way harder to adopt a baby than get pregnant. I guarantee that if everyone got pregnant by going through the same process we do to adopt, their would be far fewer people in this world.

_________________
Getting there slowly but surely.


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Unread postPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 1:29 am 
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Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:23 am
Posts: 5347
Location: Farm fields of Illinois
Your Adoption Connection: International, foster and private adoption.
I gotta tell ya, I don't like the shirt either. But I don't like any comparison of adoption to birth. Being an adoptive mom, I tell my kids 'adoption is AS special, if not MORE special than giving birth'. I don't like some of the tactics I read about on adoption boards that seem to slide adoption under the carpet, especially if the child 'looks just like us'. Why can't adoption be an entity unto itself, KWIM? Like Laura's cake: Celebrate that someone's a mom through adoption. Forget the birth part. I'm not saying the new child/baby should be treated as if s/he were born to us, but something far more special. Not ALL adoptions are unethical, believe it or not. Some women/men just really didn't WANT the baby they were carrying.

I sort of liked the 'paper pregnant' stuff only because the work it takes/took to adopt is incredible. While I'll recognize there are unethical adoptions, I'm SO weary of reading about how horrible adoption is; how EVERY bm longs and really wanted her baby---had it not been for those wicked adopting parents who stole her baby away?
Nonsense. All of our babies were already born. The birthpeople (and I REALLY don't like the term, 'birth-mother/father) didn't want to parent, they wanted to find another family, and that's where *we* came in. I had nothing to do with their choice to place.

And, FWIW, I have a hard time--and always have-- using the terms-birthmother/father....and especially 'first mom'??? Sorry, I thought 'mom/dad' were terms reserved for those who DO parent? Giving birth does not automatically make someone a 'mom or dad' so why does our society continually act as though it does? If the person giving birth wanted to BE the mom, then she should have BEEN the mom.

I sometimes think I would like to ask angry bm's......"If you think adoption is SO wrong, then WHY did YOU choose it?"


Jumping off of the soap box now....

Sincerely,

Linny

_________________
There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own. ~Robert Brault

Adoption Specialist for
Adopt America Network


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Unread postPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 2:27 pm 
Offline
Honorary Member

Joined: Tue May 05, 2009 7:50 pm
Posts: 763
Location: Oak Creek, WI
Your Adoption Connection: Mom to Nicole Brianne from Florida, born 9-17-09!
Linny wrote:
And, FWIW, I have a hard time--and always have-- using the terms-birthmother/father....and especially 'first mom'??? Sorry, I thought 'mom/dad' were terms reserved for those who DO parent? Giving birth does not automatically make someone a 'mom or dad' so why does our society continually act as though it does? If the person giving birth wanted to BE the mom, then she should have BEEN the mom.

I sometimes think I would like to ask angry bm's......"If you think adoption is SO wrong, then WHY did YOU choose it?"


Jumping off of the soap box now....

Sincerely,

Linny

A lot of them claim they were forced or coerced to give their babies up, they won't take responsibility for their actions.

_________________
Marnie
Married to Matt since 6-22-02
Mom to Nicole Brianne, born 9-17-09!


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Unread postPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 12:32 pm 
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Super Member

Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 6:22 pm
Posts: 54
Wow that lady is an angry woman! I'm not a huge fan of the shirts. I maybe would prefer the ones that said grown in my heart or something like that but still I don't think they are that insulting. She really has a thing against adoptive moms which is odd since she decided to place her daughter for adoption. I feel kind of bad for her because she just seems like a very angry person and that's no way to live.


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Unread postPosted: Sun May 26, 2013 12:25 am 
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Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:23 am
Posts: 5347
Location: Farm fields of Illinois
Your Adoption Connection: International, foster and private adoption.
Marnie,
I know what you're saying. I'm so very, very tired though of hearing people talk about how they were coerced into adoption. This is not to slant anyone who didn't adopt an already born baby....but in our case, ALL of our babies were already born! No one was standing in the sidewings to push anyone into releasing their baby for adoption. And still, the laws in so many states allow for ample time to change one's mind......only a few do the 24 hour or less revocation time......then why didn't they turn around and contest the placement to get their babies back?

I'm still thinking they really didn't want to keep their babies...and yes, there are bad adoptions, and, there are those who really wanted to keep their babies but felt they could not. But overall, they had their reasons NOT to parent. Why can't they believe they did the best for the baby and feel ANY type of good about it? The idea is ALL adoptions are bad, KWIM?

Sincerely,

Linny

_________________
There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own. ~Robert Brault

Adoption Specialist for
Adopt America Network


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Unread postPosted: Sun May 26, 2013 12:55 pm 
Offline
Honorary Member

Joined: Tue May 05, 2009 7:50 pm
Posts: 763
Location: Oak Creek, WI
Your Adoption Connection: Mom to Nicole Brianne from Florida, born 9-17-09!
And no one held a gun to their head & forced them to sign the papers or even contact an adoption agency. If they called an adoption agency or walked into a building that said "adoption agency," that means they were already thinking about adoption. If they decided they didn't want to do it they could have left. They even could have changed their mind at the hospital. It's not the fault of people who want to adopt that unplanned pregnancies happen. There's birth control, & of course abstinence, the only method that works 100% of the time. Another one I've seen that I have a hard time wrapping my mind around is the adult adoptees that hate beig adopted so much that they say they wish they'd been aborted.

_________________
Marnie
Married to Matt since 6-22-02
Mom to Nicole Brianne, born 9-17-09!


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