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This section is open to anyone who has questions or wants information on adoption. The only thing we require is that all questions and comments be respectful of parents who've adopted.

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 Post subject: "Simple" adoption
Unread postPosted: Thu Jul 11, 2013 9:53 am 
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Honorary Member

Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2008 11:26 pm
Posts: 1346
Your Adoption Connection: Adoptive mom to 2, raising 2 biological kids also
Advocates of adoption reform have suggested that Simple Adoption - a form of adoption where the
birthparents retain some of their parental rights yet allow someone else to experience parenting,
is the adoption of the future. It is already being done in at least one other country. Would you agree to allow birthparents to retain some parental rights in order for you to adopt in the US? Do you think that an adoptive status would still hold equal legal and societal respect if it were set up this way, or would it constantly be questioned by providers and professionals, who would want the birthparents' involvement in care and decision making? Would it still "feel real" to you, or would it challenge your sense of Motherhood/parenthood? Could you still love unconditionally and emotionally claim the child as if born to you, or would that feel challenged? Would it be a healthy choice for the child if a newborn placement growing up with you? How would you deal with different family dynamics, ethics, values, faiths, other...if the birthparents did have a legal say in how the child is raised/named/treated/educated/visitation/other?


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 Post subject: Re: "Simple" adoption
Unread postPosted: Tue Jul 16, 2013 11:18 pm 
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Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:23 am
Posts: 5347
Location: Farm fields of Illinois
Your Adoption Connection: International, foster and private adoption.
Good night nurse....I think this is what adoption has often turned into already! I read comments on adoption.com and other sites talking about visits and how things aren't going so well..how bm's aren't understanding they're not the parents---mom OR dad, etc......and how the adoptive couples thinks they're supposed to feel sorry for them......get real! If the child was adopted as an infant----no way. If the child was adopted as an older child and was NOT abused by the bios, then, perhaps IF the child wants it.........

Maybe it's because I think I've seen the worst of biological people concerning adoption. Maybe it's because I think once we adopt-that child is ours--and yet I'm sure I've had criticism because we've had failed older child adoptions. Not proud of this at all....but the circumstances warranted it.

But if you want to parent-parent. A woman or man is NOT a parent---or mother or father---(not even with the preface of 'birth') if they aren't going to parent! Whoever thought men/women should have that title when they've not even raised/parented the child is SO wrong. (Okay.....I'll let up here....)

So no. Again, you either parent----BE the mom or dad---OR NOT. There is no 'in between'. IMO, this kind of open-ness only invites a big possibility for confusion in later years.....

Time will tell and in some surveys I think it's already being suggested......

Sincerely,

Linny

_________________
There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own. ~Robert Brault

Adoption Specialist for
Adopt America Network


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 Post subject: Re: "Simple" adoption
Unread postPosted: Wed Jul 17, 2013 8:27 am 
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Homeschooling Mama
User avatar

Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 3:21 pm
Posts: 987
Location: Hagerstown, Maryland
Your Adoption Connection: I have 3 children, all adopted as older kids.
I absolutely agree with Linny.

_________________
Holly (35)
Waiting to adopt #4 (& maybe #5!)

Proud mom to:
Brandon (24), adopted at age 12
Jessica (23), adopted at age 10
Carolina (16), adopted at age 11


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 Post subject: Re: "Simple" adoption
Unread postPosted: Wed Jul 17, 2013 10:53 am 
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Honorary Member

Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2008 11:26 pm
Posts: 1346
Your Adoption Connection: Adoptive mom to 2, raising 2 biological kids also
There is Fostering, and there is parenting. There is caregiving, and there is
Mom or Dad. At least with Fostering, you get a stipend to help support them.
I think that biologicals should pay child support for children whom they
insist upon keeping parental rights. And, kids should inherit from them. And, let
them cover their health insurance, and why not, throw in a college education.
They expect it from us!

_________________
Old Fashioned Closed Nuclear Family Values


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 Post subject: Re: "Simple" adoption
Unread postPosted: Tue Jul 23, 2013 12:48 pm 
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Honorary Member

Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2011 7:47 pm
Posts: 290
Location: Wisconsin
Your Adoption Connection: DS adopted in 2007, hoping to adopt again!
I think views like "simple adoption" think that we as adoptive parents are looking for a calling...to be missionaries of sorts.
What I wanted was to be a parent.

I know some people feel "called to adopt"...but....

I don't think I was called to adopt my boys. I wasn't rescuing them or their birthfamilies. I wanted a family and knew there were babies out there who needed a family. The formula isn't any more philosophical than we wanted to be parents. Mom and Dad plus kid(s).

_________________
June 2006- Started adoption process
April 2007- DS was born- Never knew so much love!
December 2007- DS adoption finalized

Two failed placements and a lot of ups and downs in our second adoption journey.
January 2012- DS was born- A completely wonderful surprise!
July- DS adoption finalized


Always remember there is nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name...


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