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Unread postPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 2:23 pm 
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I'm New!

Joined: Mon Dec 17, 2012 12:16 am
Posts: 12
Location: Illinois
Your Adoption Connection: Waiting to be matched. :)
Hi,
So my husband and I are officially waiting to be matched with a expectant mother. In the meantime there is lots of waiting and we are trying to rid the house of junk and clear out the room that will eventually be a nursery. In the meantime any advice on what to prepare for ahead of time? We don't want to go out an buy anything because there is always a chance things can fall through and it might be a long wait. But what are some simple things that you have done around the house to get it order or to get a room ready to eventually be a nursery? Also when the time comes is there a list of things that you would recommend buying when we are heading to the hospital?

Thanks!


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Unread postPosted: Fri Sep 06, 2013 10:57 pm 
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Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:23 am
Posts: 5347
Location: Farm fields of Illinois
Your Adoption Connection: International, foster and private adoption.
Hi!
Our family has done the waiting thing a LOT of times and I swear it never got any easier! I think one thing we (I) did was to definitely clear a way to BE THE ROOM for the baby. We also purchased a crib (generally they were always second hand, but the last couple of babies had new cribs). That crib stood as a sort of accumulation area for anything I found at a yard sale or on sale-new-that we'd use for any new baby. I always figured if I purchased clothing and such at a yard sale, it could always be donated somewhere if I decided I wasn't as crazy about it as I was in the beginning, KWIM?

Has your agency given you any indication as to how long it may be before you may have a baby?

Keep us updated!

Sincerely,

Linny

_________________
There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own. ~Robert Brault

Adoption Specialist for
Adopt America Network


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Unread postPosted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 11:55 pm 
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Honorary Member

Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2011 7:47 pm
Posts: 290
Location: Wisconsin
Your Adoption Connection: DS adopted in 2007, hoping to adopt again!
We cleared out the would-be nursery and painted it pale yellow. It had a dresser and we put a twin bed in (for our nieces and nephews). I didn't want to put up a crib or anything because I personally didn't want to have that reminder. I didn't know how long our wait would be and emotionally I had a hard time with "your baby will happen."

After a few months later I found a bedding set I really liked. My mom bought it as one of our shower gifts, but I asked her to keep it. She found a matching wallpaper border and bought that, too. Little did I know all the other small things she found that coordinated, but I guess that was her way of dealing with the wait. :smile

We had an almost match and during that time we researched strollers, car seats, etc. I just saved a list of the ones I liked and other stuff I found. My favorites tab was a storage place for all those items.

That match fell through, we decided to remodel the bathroom and 3 weeks later our baby boy was born! LOL. I picked out a crib and sent my dad off to pick it up and assemble. My in-laws did the carseat/stroller, my mom washed that bedding she had been holding and ran out for diapers and formula and bottles.... truly the newborn doesn't NEED that much....sleepers, swaddler, diapers, bottles & formula (we stayed with what the hospital started-and they send you home with some). There was time to get the rest. We waited for our shower until after TPR (30 days in WI) and we never felt stressed about needing something we didn't have. My point is, don't stress too much. Have an idea of your likes so you're ready, but only go so far as you feel comfortable.

GOOD LUCK!!! :pink

_________________
June 2006- Started adoption process
April 2007- DS was born- Never knew so much love!
December 2007- DS adoption finalized

Two failed placements and a lot of ups and downs in our second adoption journey.
January 2012- DS was born- A completely wonderful surprise!
July- DS adoption finalized


Always remember there is nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name...


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Unread postPosted: Tue Sep 10, 2013 12:33 pm 
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I'm New!

Joined: Mon Dec 17, 2012 12:16 am
Posts: 12
Location: Illinois
Your Adoption Connection: Waiting to be matched. :)
Hi, Thanks for all the advice.

Linny our agency's average wait time is 11 months. They work with a pool of 40 couples at a time. We have been waiting for approx. 2 months now and actually had a phone call last week about a potential match, however we were not comfortable with the situation. Had a funny gut feeling about it. We figure we will know when it is right and if something happens it wasn't meant to be.

We are planning on looking at cribs and picking out what we like but waiting until the last minute to buy anything. Our family is very supportive so if we suddenly get a phone call and have to rush to a hospital then they have already volunteered to pick up anything that we may need.

I think we are going to paint the nursery a neutral color like a warm beige and that way we can accent it with appropriate colors after everything goes through.

In the meantime I am reading a lot of books about open adoption and just trying to think through the things that we might need to have on hand.


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Unread postPosted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:42 pm 
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Honorary Member

Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2011 7:47 pm
Posts: 290
Location: Wisconsin
Your Adoption Connection: DS adopted in 2007, hoping to adopt again!
Does your agency only do open adoptions or is it a case by case basis?

I only ask as it is often a hot topic on this and other boards. Our agency was case by case. Through our education classes we were informed of how open is best practice (currently) and that the child has less unknowns.

Through life we have heard of many open relationships that are healthy and an equal, if not more, that are stressed or dysfunctional.

Both of ours are essentially closed. Both boys adopted after birth. We have never met the birthparents of either son. With our oldest we did email updates and are now doing a very general annual update. (He is 6.) We send the email, but there is never a reply. With our second we are completely closed. Both are the way their birthmothers chose and we simply agreed to honor their wishes. Ironically both of them told the social workers that they wanted their sons to be completely part of our family and didn't want to confuse them.

So, that's our happy family. DH, myself and our two little wonder boys!

_________________
June 2006- Started adoption process
April 2007- DS was born- Never knew so much love!
December 2007- DS adoption finalized

Two failed placements and a lot of ups and downs in our second adoption journey.
January 2012- DS was born- A completely wonderful surprise!
July- DS adoption finalized


Always remember there is nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name...


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Unread postPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 3:30 pm 
Offline
I'm New!

Joined: Mon Dec 17, 2012 12:16 am
Posts: 12
Location: Illinois
Your Adoption Connection: Waiting to be matched. :)
Hi Laura,
Our agency is on a case by case basis. They do not push for open or closed adoption. They let you work that out with the birth parents. This was something that was important to us because I feel that decision should be one made by both parties involved. It would be nice to have a situation where an open adoption is possible due to all the positive benefits we feel it would provide for our child. But at the same time, we realize that that is not always possible. We did check out some other agencies and they would only do open adoptions. So far we are extremely happy with how everything is going. When we have questions they are always answered in a timely manner. I don't feel like we have been forgotten about during the waiting period. Our agencies encourages you to look on your own as well so when we come up with newspaper ads or develop a website they check over them and give us their feedback.


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